I dare you to say raising kids is easy! I dare you!
by Kizmuth
Summary: ...Yeah, this is mostly fluff, humor and crack. Ever heard of The Eight Demon Kings? Well, they're all Satan's sons right, so Satan had to raise them, right? This starts out with Samael (Mephisto) and then it'll probably go on to the other demon kings.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer; Ao no Exorcist is property of Kazue Katō. I don't own this, I don't make any money by writing this, this is purely done out of fun and boredom.

Samael

Chapter One

WAAAH!

Satan buried his head in a pillow, and used the other to cover his sensitive elf-like ears. His eyes were red from the lack of sleep he was getting these days. It took him very little not to storm in the nursery and shut the brat up...for good. He always reminded himself that that was his son, his firstborn and that it took time and patience...and then when he grew up and was stronger he could do whatever the fuck he wanted as payback. Satan holds grudges...he holds on tight to them and doesn't let go. He raised his head from the pillow fort he made and smiled happily when he realized the kid fell asleep.

WAAH!

Satan felt like joining in with his son's loud cries. He stood up and stomped loudly towards the end of a lengthy passageway. The King of all demons didn't give a crap if he wasn't dressed up to snuff, he didn't care if his tail was out and swishing neurotically it's his damn house! Err, castle. He held a pillow under his arm and contemplated whether to suffocate his son to death or not. He opened the door and cringed; the cries were louder here. Walking in the first thing he saw was a small baby in a black crib, crying its heart out. ''Why are you crying?'' the question seemed to calm the small youngster down a bit. Satan leaned in, picked the boy up gently and cooed. ''Go to sleep Samael. You're giving everyone a headache...unless there's a secret distribution of earplugs I wasn't informed of.'' He kept his voice low, but still enough for the baby to hear him and smile. Samael made some incoherent sounds and grabbed a hold of Satan's long snowy white hair. Then he tugged, hard. ''Samael, stop that.'' Satan warned, careful not to drop his son. Tug. Satan growled menacingly, that sent Samael into hysterics. He started crying loudly.

''How pathetic.'' Satan muttered to himself, he sat down on a random chair and whispered soothingly. ''Shhh. Just go to sleep...I need to be well rested; I have a lot of things to do. For your own sake you better hope you fall asleep before 5AM.'' He said tiredly. Rocking him back and forth seemed to calm Samael down a bit. The ever so tired demon king sighed deeply. The small babe shifted in his father's arms and slowly fell asleep. ''You know,'' he smiled and fought his heavy eyelids that wanted nothing more than to close, ''you look kind of cute when you're sleeping.'' He somehow managed to stand up and carry the small infant towards his crib. The minute, nay, the second he set the infant down, like clockwork it started crying.

Satan bit down hard on his hand making his cry for help muffled. ''Mother of Gehenna someone save me.'' He whispered miserably. ''I don't understand!'' The father-for-the-first-time cried out in confusion with a hint of desperation. ''You cry, you always cry! Is something wrong with you!? Infants shouldn't keep their parents who work their asses off and come home to sleep awake! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU! I'M TOO BUSY! Oh.'' He made an 'o' shape with his mouth. The ruler of Gehenna picked up his son, making him stop crying instantly. ''You want to spend time with your dad huh?'' Tug. ''Oh kiddo, you are so going to regret this when you grow up.'' He said in a low tone.

Both of them reached Satan's room without any wailing, to which Satan was very grateful for. He slowly placed the diminutive son of his on his king sized bed and lay next to him. Both of them fell asleep. Before 5AM...4.59AM to be precise. The kid sure had a thing for timing.

Tomorrow Morning

The maid that was assigned to be Satan's son's nurse screamed in terror when she didn't find the boy in his crib. She lost his son; she would surely be burned to ash or worse, sent to Hell! The scrawny maid shook in fear. One of the lackeys ran towards her and asked what was wrong in their respectable demon tongue. ''I've lost him...Prince Samael...I've lost him, I'm going to die.''

The lackey was an Air demon so it wasn't weird when he flew away from her. ''OH YES, LEAVE ME LIKE THE COWARD YOU ARE!'' The maid screamed her lungs out and conjured a small water ball which she threw at him. She's a water demon.

''I best be on my way.'' The maid whispered and made her way en route for Lord Satan's room. Luckily there weren't any demons around to laugh and mock her...she's going to her death. When she reached the solid black door with blue flame engraves on the sides, she knocked politely, and grasped the silver door handle. She opened the door cautiously and stuck her head in. She felt her accelerated breathing slow down when she saw it. Lord Satan had wrapped his arm around Prince Samael and their tails were entwined which was adorable. They looked so peaceful, so happy. The maid closed the door slowly, wanting to enjoy the rare moment of a father son relationship the two highest most privileged demons had.

When she closed the door it creaked at the end and made a clicking sound.

WAAH!

''FOR THE LOVE OF GEHENNA WHAT NOW!?''

The maid made a run for it.


	2. Chapter 2

Samael

Chapter Two

Satan groaned in annoyance, for the twelfth time that hour. ''You don't even understand any of this.'' He grumbled to his son and gestured to all of the _Fairy Tale _books his _Neighbour _had given him. He looked over to a bookshelf that was once filled with horror/torture novels and then cringed when he saw some kiddie picture books mixed in there. ''Well, I am a parent...and you aren't crying...'' He looked over to a stack of paperwork. ''I really hate my job Samael...it's boring; it's so repetitive nowadays...it's so _peaceful _it's annoying me to world's end. And you aren't helping with all of your stories and nap times...Naps are GOOD Samael you should take them sometimes without me having to lie next to you'' The king of all demons complained to his violet haired son... who has the cutest curl ever. ''Oh you don't understand a thing do you?'' He grumbled.

Samael smiled happily and clapped his hands. ''No- you understand everything- you're just enjoying this. You like to torment your own dad, huh?'' Satan teased half playfully, half seriously. ''Well given who your parents are, it's no wonder.''

Tug! Satan growled lowly, it was an instinct. An instinct Samael had learned to ignore, and to continue playing with his father's white hair. ''Sammy, stop that.'' He said in the nicest voice he could muster. TUG! ''Okay!'' He screeched unhappily and lifted up his diminutive firstborn child so that his green eyes were staring at the light blue of his father. ''You're getting on daddy's nerves quickly, that's not good.'' Tug! ''Oh, you little angel.'' Satan said grimly. He whistled and in an instant a demon with a medium stature appeared in the doorframe. Her appearance wasn't much; a kinky maid's black and white uniform for Satan to ogle at, yellow-brownish eyes her long grey tail was showing, and she had waist long dirty blonde hair. She bowed in respect, never making eye contact with her master.

''Ah yes...Maid-girl, take Samael out of my study and...do stuff.'' He hurriedly handed the small demon whose teeth came in...Long story short he's a bitter and is the reason why Satan wears gloves in his own home. He shooed them away with his hand and sat down in his leather armchair. Sliding down he sighed deeply and murmured. ''I guess you're probably dancing upstairs and yelling 'I told you so!' over and over again. Raising a child is excruciating...'' He smirked and straightened himself up. Taking the crumpled stacks of paperwork he proceeded to rummage through them, hoping against hope, to find something worth his while.

Murderer, rapist, yadda, yadda, yadda, he'd seen it all before countless of times. He stopped at one particular paper with a picture and description. He immediately tore it up and burned it with his flames. ''No thanks, you're my neighbour's business.'' he mumbled and continued rummaging.

After a while the whole stack of paperwork was burnt to a crisp. ''NOTHING! Not a single person is worthy of my time, they're all so unoriginal! But,'' he sighed. ''Hell is Gehenna's subcategory and it's my responsibility...As much as I'm bored it's not like I can take a day off and spend some time with my son...I'm such an idiot sometimes I wonder how Gehenna isn't in ruins.'' The father who figured out kids can be good for something grinned; flashing his well maintained fangs in the process. ''In all of this time while he's been here he's never really seen the estate. Oh _goody_. I get to play the tour guide.'' Satan said this too cheerfully and gagged at the performance. ''Note to self; never do that again.''

After practically running to his son's nursery which was mind you, a long way from his study he opened the door without a minute's hesitation and yelled. ''Hi son, did ya miss me?!''

3

2

1

He realized the maid had probably taken him to the kitchen for something to eat. At that moment his stomach growled. ''Aaaah, I forgot to eat today.'' He whispered pathetically and started walking towards the dining area. ''Stupid woman won't allow me access to the kitchen.'' He grumbled as he passed the big wide door with a sign on it denying everyone access. ''Her cooking isn't something grand.'' He muttered and squeezed his growling stomach. ''Shut it you, so impatient...Why does she treat him like royalty and me like a common peasant?'' The curious demon royal asked as he sneaked a peek through a key hole. There they were; Samael, Hot babe, and...Mar. No wait, he corrected himself, _Ms_. Mar.

Ms. Mar was a woman Satan had employed a while back. She's the only woman who knows Satan since his early days as the ruler of Gehenna. She's his cook...So, he being the arrogant bastard he is, decided to lecture her cooking...oh how he regretted that... Satan's stomach agreed. They suffered greatly after that mistake. That month had been him and him alone (not counting his stomach of course). Mar was the first person to had resigned and spat in his face. Now due to connections and favours and the fact that she kind of grew on him he didn't murder her for disrespecting him. He smiled; he made 666 notes to self said month. That's some O.C.D. crap right there, he thought.

_Note to self; your stupid blue flames are not to be used for reheating things. They're place is not the kitchen it's wherever they fucking want to be...as long as they're not cooking. Well, at least the blue explosion looked good._

_Note to self; you are not going to fall as low as to call __**Neighbour**__ for help. Besides...Mar will come back...I'm starving._

_Note to self; Swallow your stupid pride and apologize for disrespecting her cooking. I'm still starving._

_Note to self; be nicer to Mar...Ms. Mar since she came back. _

_Note to self; Mar's cooking is way worse than mine...she's doing this on purpose. Try and be a little nicer. Maybe she'll go back to her old cooking if I compliment her looks._

_Note to self; Don't EVER compliment Ms. Mar again, I need some ice for this black eye. Being nice is killing you, stop it. Still eat her food since that's all you got because you don't know how to...yeah screw making these. (Number 666)_

Satan lowered his head when he remembered that month of culinary heaven.

Note to self; don't let your fucking guard down, Mar is staring at you! (60932)

''Greetings Ms. Mar.'' Satan said gladly, trying desperately to disguise his hunger. Mar's appearance didn't change from that time. She was still a short rounded woman with darker skin, medium length curly red hair, light green eyes, and she still has that maddening wooden spoon she always hits anyone and everyone who dares enter her kitchen without permission with. And she was currently glaring up at the demon king. ''What do ye want lad?'' And she always called him LAD. Oh right she has a Scottish accent that she decided to keep from her last trip to Assiah. It's not perfect and she breaks character sometimes but she's persistent.

''I'm just...taking a walk around the castle.'' Satan said, clearly lying through his teeth. ''Aha.'' She said in a disbelieving tone.

''Spill, or I'm makin' haggis.'' Satan visibly flinched; she sure knew what to say. ''I just wanted to have a day off with my son and myself.'' It wasn't a lie, Satan thought.

''Too bad for ye 'onesty, lad, I've already cooked Haggis.''

''_WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME!'' Inner Satan pulled at his hair and cried. _

Satan just shrugged his shoulders. ''Oh, Well, I'm sure Samael should learn to like your cooking at an early age...what you're going to make it into a drink for him?''

Mar scoffed. ''As if, I'd be mad to give this to a newborn who hasn't done me wrong what do ye take me for,'' she smirked. ''Lad.''

''Wait, he isn't getting your wonderful cooking?'' Satan asked. Silent rage was slowly consuming him; oh someone would burn for this.

''I'm kidding.'' She admitted when she saw how ill-tempered Satan was becoming. ''Really?'' He had disbelief written on his face. ''Aye, ye're right, he's yer son, he should eat what he's having not what he wants.'' She would give cute Samael some sweet human stew, it's better than haggis. O how she loved to sabotage Satan.

''You're unfair you know that, I asked if you'd like to work in Hell as boss and you declined...impolitely might I add, I offer you a ridiculous amount of money for you to start a new life and you squander it on cooking supplies, and not to mention that meeting with one of your favourite cooks from Assiah that I set up.''

''Those were all attempts to make me leave.'' Mar said. Satan made a face. ''Fine then,'' he twitched, ''why didn't you ever leave?''

''Revenge takes time.''

''Geez woman I said it was overcooked if I knew my life would be this horrible after a snide comment I would have NEVER said it!'' Satan snapped.

''Well it's too late now, I have to go and cook.'' She closed the door right in his face. ''I'm here for my son!'' He yelled. Mar apparently took Samael and when the cooking servants opened the door she threw him at Satan. Luckily he caught him. ''YOU CAN'T JUST THROW MY HEIR LIKE THIS!''

''Ye caught him didn't ye?''

*******After they ate*******

''That's one crazy old bat, Samael.'' Satan grumbled and sped up his pace while he passed the kitchen. They exited the castle and found themselves outside. It looked like a small forest really. Strange exotic animal type demons backed away when they sensed Satan's presence outside. Samael looked around with wide eyes. He awed and ooh'd at the new things he was seeing.

''Heh, you like it here.'' Satan noticed and walked around. He started explaining things to Samael, of course he kept it brief; the brat probably won't remember this so why bother. ''I can't wait for you to grow up...you're uninteresting to me now.'' He blew a bloodthirsty butterfly type demon, which was nearing Samael, away. ''God forsaken little assholes.'' Satan cursed. Saying God is sort of illegal downstairs, because well, Satan and God are on difficult terms.

Samael started making incoherent sounds. Satan stopped talking and listened in carefully. The king of all demons grinned. He had a pretty shitty day, but that was all about to change when his son calls him papa.

''G-God!''

Satan almost dropped his son and fell over. ''Samael...son...what did you say?'' He stammered quietly. His son's first word was...his **Neighbour's** name. ''Oh happy day.'' He mumbled miserably.

''GOD!'' Samael clapped his hands.

''WHAT DID HE SAY!?'' Mar bellowed from behind the two royals. Satan had to commend her on her skills. She was really good that this stealth stuff.

Satan set his cursing son on a small chair in a sitting position, patted him on the head, ruffled his hair, and then ran away. ''YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!'' He yelled and started laughing.

Mar took her wooden spoon out from her coat pocket and started running after Satan in the intent to kill. ''Get back here, coward!''

**A/N: Baby Samael isn't all that interesting, so if anyone is still sticking around we'll actually have a talking Samael in the next chapter. I'm thinking of a 4 or 5 year old. **

**Yeah, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you have any tips, I'd be happy to listen. Goodbye!**


	3. Chapter 3

Samael

Chapter Three

''I don't wanna!'' Samael yelled and stomped his foot on the ground. ''I don't wanna either.'' Satan mimicked his son's voice to set him off. ''Grr...'' Satan had to admit that his son's attempt at growling was the cutest thing ever. So every chance he'd get he'd laugh his ass off. He stopped laughing when he heard his son sigh. ''Is it gonna hurt?''

''It's just a doctor's appointment. To test what kind of demon you are. So yeah, it's gonna be the greatest pain you'll ever feel!'' Satan teased in a serious tone. Samael's eyes widened as he clung to his room's door handle. ''Noooo! I don't wanna go!''

''I was joking Samael.'' His father said through gritted teeth as he tried prying his son away from the door handle. ''No!'' Samael was very persistent and clung even harder. When the king of all demons managed to pry his son off said son grabbed onto a stone statue. ''Agh!'' The older of the two screamed in frustration. Blue sparks flew out of Satan and danced around. If his tail wasn't hidden it would be swishing in anger. Samael seeing the sparks instantly let go of the statue and apologized. ''I'm sorry dad.'' He heard Satan scoff and saw him roll his eyes before pulling him towards the main door. ''If you pull something like this while we're not in the castle, '' he smirked. ''you'll be sorry~'' He sing-sang the last part. His laughter managed to overwhelm the room so that Samael's gulp wasn't heard.

''Eh, but why do I need to be tested?'' The five year old asked with irritation. Twirling his curl, Satan answered. ''Since you haven't exhibited any signs of having demonic powers, I figured I should get you tested.'' Noticing his son's glum appearance he continued reassuringly, for both of them. ''Hey, that doesn't mean you didn't get ANY powers, it just mean they're hiding.''

''What if I don't have any...'' The violet haired boy trailed off, and looked at his feet as they walked. Satan's laughter caused him to sharply look up. He fanned the young boy's question away with his hand nonchalantly. ''IF, IF, IF, IF,'' he stopped and so did his son, ''You shouldn't think too much about it Samael, it's never good to do so.'' Samael didn't seem happier; in fact he became bluer.

''Hey, tell you what, if it'll make you stop being so melancholic, IF, and I can't strain that enough. IF you don't have any powers I'll still keep you, you're smart.'' He winked. ''Too smart.'' Satan muttered to himself.

''Really? You think so?!'' Samael beamed and hugged his dad. ''Ah! Not in public!'' Satan laughed and pushed him away.

''So, what's the doctor's name?''

''I just call him The Doctor he's been my doctor for a while.'' He looked down at his son. ''Meaning he knows how to keep secrets.'' Samael pushed his hands in his coat pockets. It was bright pink, along with white pants, and thankfully _dark_ purple pointy shoes. Satan kept wondering what's with all of the bright colours but never commented. They reached a sanitary looking building, which stuck out compared to all of the other structures in Gehenna, and walked in.

Samael whistled, completely surprised at all of the whiteness. Satan squinted and hissed at the blinding lights. ''My eyes hurt.'' He muttered and led his son towards the main reception. Satan knocked on a wall with a small circular opening quite eagerly. A long and spidery hand shot out from the small opening and opened its hand showing a bright red eye with a yellow pupil. Satan leaned in and whispered something Samael couldn't understand. The eye blinked and withdrew its hand back only for a small dark grey head without eyes to pop out with blue horns and a happy grin. ''He's in room 101.''It mentioned. Satan nodded and pushed Samael towards the stairs.

As they walked Samael kept thinking about what would happen if he didn't have any powers. Sure, his dad's words reassured him... a little, but still. He looked up at his father and gulped; he couldn't bear to be a disappointment to him.

Satan turned around and smiled. ''Just a couple of more steps and your dreaded appointment shall commence.'' Samael frowned; this man loved teasing people way too much.

A greying, dusty door with a rusty sign on it saying 101 in black letters stood in front of them, barely stood actually. Samael reached out and gently pushed the door, causing it to fall and make a loud thump. ''You know, I'm supposed to pay for that.'' Satan twitched and pushed his son in, he walking in tow.

''Ah, Lord Satan, you have an appointment?'' The doctor whose front door they just vandalized asked. He had a grin on his face that clearly suggested he was enjoying this. ''Yes, I'd like for you to test my son, Samael here and help determine which type of demon he is.'' Lord Satan gestured to his small fidgeting son.

The doctor was a truly frightening figure, to a child at least. He steepled his fingers and thought. A devious smirk graced the towering man's face, whose silver eyes stared down at the small prince. Dark brownish red hair that reached his mid back was tied in a loose pony tail. He wore a doctor's white coat. That's the only thing Samael managed to notice other than the threatening features.

''Come here.'' The doctor spoke after looking him over without standing up. Satan liked him; he didn't grovel like the rest. Although that meant he treated you like the norm, signifying he couldn't say anything against his doctor's orders...

Samael walked over to the doctor and sat down on a small chair. Now that he was near, Samael noticed the dark circles under his eyes. ''You can leave.'' The doctor tiredly said and placed his head in his hand. Satan opened his mouth to say, but was cut off by the doctor's worn out sigh, more of a groan really. ''No need to worry, your heir is safe. This mostly a psychological questionnaire,'' he looked up, ''and you would get in the way. Don't want him to get wrongly diagnosed.'' Satan grumbled and said to his son, ''I'll be outside.''

''You'll be downstairs.'' The doctor yawned. Satan nodded. ''Of course, no door, I forgot.'' He sheepishly grinned and walked down the stairs reluctantly.

Now that they were alone they could start the testing. Samael prepared himself for the hardest of questions his childish, yet mature mind could think of.

''What's your favourite colour?''

It took Samael very little not to fall out of his chair in a comical manner. ''Um...Any bright colour really...Pink?'' He shyly answered and squirmed in his small chair. The doctor raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing of it.

''Any fears?'' The doctor expected something along the lines of the usual he got; angles, God, death, humans, spiders, getting a bad grade, hobgoblins etc. So it was a bit refreshing when he got an answer like this. ''Disappointing my father.''

''And how could you disappoint him?''

''By not having any powers.'' He pouted and kicked his feet in the air. The doctor scribbled something down and asked.

''Thinking it over or Running straight in, decision wise, which would you choose?'' Samael noted they were getting to the more interesting questions. ''What, is it getting too complicated kid?'' Samael glared and retorted. ''Give me a minute.''

''I haven't got all day.''

''I'd think it over _duh_.'' The prince added the duh for extra measure, hoping the doctor would get offended. ''Interesting.'', was his only reply as he scribbled something down.

He stopped writing and looked up. ''Can you read?''

''I'm sure I can, I just don't know how...yet.''

''You're very sharp and you have a pretty wide vocabulary for a small child that doesn't know how to read.'' The doctor mumbled. ''Well, I narrowed it down.'' Samael leaned forward and asked. ''Do you know what powers I have?'' His green eyes stared eagerly.

''No.''

The young boy sulked and murmured. ''Oh.''

''I have a pretty good idea so this will be your last question. I'll give you 5 seconds to answer.'' Samael nodded bravely and braced himself. If it turned out to be another silly question Samael would bite his head off.

''Would you save your own skin rather than risking your life for someone else?'' If he diagnosed the brat right, he knew what option he would choose. He started counting out loud.

5

4

3

2

Samael thought about it, and then when he heard the time nearing its end he yelled. ''Uh, I'd save me!''

The doctor smirked. ''Why?''

''Well...I don't know...I don't care what happens to others. Dad told me that if someone can't defend themselves, they aren't worth saving.'' To say the royal family was interesting would be the biggest understatement of the millennium. Here he had a FIVE YEAR OLD being tested for something older demons that start school undergo. Satan was not a demon fond of waiting apparently.

He finally blinked and rubbed the sleep from his eyes to take a better look at the heir to Gehenna's throne. Underneath this small facade of innocence which would remain as long as he was a child lay a true demon that would grow up to be great...a cunning force not to be trifled with. ''I just need to do some tests on you, physical tests.'' He told him to remove his shirt and the small violet haired boy did as he was told. He took a vial of his blood and raised it to the light. Samael watched and rubbed his arm. ''Interesting.'' He whispered and wrote something down. He listened to his heart, measured his heart rate, asked him some more question while he had something strapped to his wrist, and gave him an eye test while he was at it. Doesn't need glasses, he wrote that down too.

''I think we're done here.'' He set a pencil down, ''Stay here while I have a chat with your father.'' The doctor instructed. After he left, Samael rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out. ''Creeper.''

Downstairs

Satan spotted his doctor and walked over to him. ''Well? What is he?'' he asked. ''It's more complicated than I'd first thought.''

Satan scowled. ''What do you mean by that?'' By the look on his face the intimidating doctor set his mind at rest ''He's a demon alright, he has potential _locked_ up inside him...I take it it's his mother's parting gift.'' His smile faltered when Satan glared at him with his fiery eyes. ''What does that mean?'' The king of all demons hissed in anger. Luckily for them, there wasn't anyone in the room.

''It means Lord Satan that he's his mother's son, thus she felt locking up all of the power which entails to her kind would be a gift. He has a window open for him to use which is vast and spacious.'' Satan sighed dramatically. ''For a minute there I thought it was something else.'' He grinned much like the doctor had moments ago. ''I had a good idea, I just needed someone else's opinion.''

The doctor nodded and pointed upstairs. ''The young prince is waiting milord.''

Satan got his son and they walked out of the white hospital. ''So...'' Samael started.

''So...'' Satan continued as they both walked in the same pace.

''Am I a water demon, since you seem to hate those...and you're not talking?'' Gehenna's prince asked.

Satan snorted. ''Ha! No, you're not an elemental.''

''What more is there?''

''I need to teach you how to read so these questions decrease.'' Satan noted that to himself and his son. ''You're special.'' Samael groaned. ''Oh Gehenna I knew I had no powers!''

''Special doesn't have to be associated with challenged all of the time. As I've said you're special...and with your specialness-''

''DAD!''

''You're a Time and Space demon, a rare collectable if you will.'' _Extremely rare_, Satan thought. ''We'll continue this discussion at home.''

Samael didn't try asking any more questions after that. A couple of minutes passed until they talked again. ''Am I the only one that's hungry?'' Satan asked and walked around a small pool of blood. Samael shrugged. ''I guess I'm a little hungry.''

''Well, there's a good restaurant just around the corner. I think it's Japanese but I'm not sure.''

''I don't think Ms. Mar would like that.''

Satan placed a finger to his mouth and whispered. ''Shhh, what Ms. Mar doesn't know won't hurt her. Besides, it's a special occasion. I don't come here often.'' Samael smiled unknowingly that every little thing he would do in the future would be considered a special occasion. Satan smirked; oh how he loved to have a good reason not to eat her cooking.

''Um dad, why doesn't anyone you know, stop you when you're on the street or grovel at your feet?'' Samael asked.

'''Cause a while back, before you were born, that happened a lot, and I made a new law that forbid it. Or how the upstairs call it, I made a huge restraining order.'' Satan snickered.

They walked in through a big red door and were greeted by a happy cheer. ''EEY, Lord Satan... and little prince! The usual I take it?'' The three eyed, five armed cook asked and stuck her long tongue out to lick Samael familiarly. ''Naw, I feel like trying something else.'' Satan waved the offer away with his hand. Samael looked up at his father with a raised eyebrow. ''You don't come here often?''

''So I lied, big whoop. I'm not making any suggestions so if you want something different it's up to you, not my problem if you have stomach aches later.'' He informed and sat down in a booth. ''These guys changed the place a little I see.'' Samael sat down across from him and said. ''I'm not gonna understand a thing you know.''

''Ah, yes, you can't read. Fine, take ramen it's the only thing that I know it's safe for you.''

''Um...the doctor mentioned I have a wide vocubulary? What does vocabilary mean?'' Satan's son played with his fingers as he awaited the answer. Satan burst out laughing, making Samael blush in embarrassment. ''Vo-ca-bu-la-ry is the word you're looking for. Having a wide vocabulary means that you know a lot of words, and for an illiterate child you're way up there. Thanks to yours truly.'' Satan placed his hand on over his heart and continued. ''You have no idea how many books I've read to you. Funny how the torture genre put you to sleep the fastest...'' He placed a finger to his chin and looked up. A demon waitress walked over and asked with the biggest fake smile the two males had ever seen. ''What will you be having~!?''

Samael wanted to say they wanted another waitress but bit his tongue when he heard his father tell her what they wanted to eat. She skipped away childishly. ''Look at her go.'' Satan whistled and licked his lips. ''I don't know, I thought she was kinda weird.'' Samael admitted.

''Ah, you're too young to understand. Mmm sexy waitresses.'' He whispered joyfully. ''Daddy, I have a question.''

''Aha.''

''Dad?''

''Aha.''

''Dad?''

''Aha.''

''Sex.'' That snapped Satan out of his train of thought. He blinked at his son and asked. ''I think Ms. Mar would be the perfect person to explain what that means to you.''

_Inner Satan danced a jig and yelled. ''This is payback!''_

'' I asked Ms. Mar yesterday and she said that you would know more.'' Satan didn't want to lash out and show his flames, his son was the innocent party in this. It wasn't his fault he got tangled in between a small battle among his father and Mar. He'd explain it later.

''Aha.'' Satan said quietly, processing what was happening. So, she one upped him. Well, she may be leading by a couple of points but that doesn't mean she's won.

Before Samael could open his mouth to speak the happy go lucky waitress arrived with their food and her cleavage showing off. Satan started flirting with her but stopped when his son yelled. ''THANKS FOR THE FOOD, NOW GO I THINK SOMEONE'S CALLING YOU.''

Thankfully the cook really was calling the light green haired waitress. Satan looked at his son with a knowing look in his eyes. ''Awww, don't worry Sammy, you're number one in my book.''

''I better be.'' Samael joked and looked at his food. He prodded at it with a chopstick and tried getting some food in but he didn't quite succeed. He watched Mr. Pro chopstick user across from him get in with no problem.

''I thought you liked forks?'' Samael asked and battled with his chopsticks.

''I do, but I also like chopsticks. And there was a big shortage of forks so it was either eat with your hands or use foreign sticks.''

''When?''

''Before you were born.''

''You're making it up.''

''Yep.'' Slurp. He finished his soup and watched his son take a few bites. Sighing he showed him how to hold the chopsticks correctly. After a couple of tries the young prince got the hang of it.

The cook passed by them since it was a slow day and sat down next to them. Satan scooted over to his son and laughed. ''Man, is it me or have you gotten taller?''

''It's you. Your aging has made you shorter.'' Both of them laughed. Samael slurped his ramen and asked. ''Hey where's this food from?''

''Oh we import it from Assiah, only every 5 years are we allowed to do that, and Satan here lines up among the first people to eat.''

''What can I say, they may be stupid mongrels but they have some great food.'' Satan patted his stomach and sighed contently.

''And it's this year?'' Samael stopped eating. He was full. Though, he took his time chewing the remaining food in his mouth.

''Yep.'' The cook smiled happily and gathered the scraps the two royals couldn't eat.

''How's Mar-san doing?''

''Ms. Mar's peachy.'' Satan grumbled.

''She's still trying to poison you huh?''

''Not really, she stopped after I became a father, but Gehenna is her cooking a pain to eat.'' He complained and added for safe measure. ''Don't tell her I said that.''

Samael and the cook both nodded. ''Hey, what's your name?'' The curious Time and Space demon inquired with his mouth still full.

''Samael, don't talk with your mouthful.'' His father lectured.

''You do it too.'' He retorted and swallowed his food down.

''Only when I have to immediately lecture you.'' Satan said matter of factly.

''Oops, family stuff, I better leave.'' The cook stood up and licked both Satan and Samael. ''My name's Kyoko just so you know.'' She introduced herself and walked away.

''Kyoko huh.'' Samael mumbled and waved goodbye. ''Well, are we leaving?'' Satan asked his dazed son. He nodded quickly and got up. He saw his father walk up to the cook and open his wallet. He paid her and went out.

''Well, let's go home, I'm sure Ms. Mar isn't too thrilled with us being late for lunch.''

''Or skipping it on purpose.'' Samael winked and skipped around his dad. ''So, I'm starting school soon.''

''Two years isn't soon.''

''It is to me.''

''Why is that?'' Satan asked, very amused. Samael stopped skipping and giggled childishly. ''I don't know, sometimes time just flies. I guess because I'm a Time Demon.''

''Yeah.'' Satan whispered. He now understood that he had no idea how to help this kid with his powers. What if he stopped time altogether? No, he thought, _she_ thought of it first and that's why she locked his powers up.

''Hey, what's your favourite colour?''

''Blue.'' Satan answered and gestured for his blue eyes. Samael smiled. ''Mine's PINK.''

''Aha.'' Satan said quietly.

Meanwhile

A certain red headed cook stood at the gate of the estate and waited patiently, grinding her teeth in anger. She smiled when she saw them nearing the entrance. She waved and smiled deviously. Samael spotted her and waved ecstatically. His father dragged his feet against the ground on his way towards the cook. They mumbled their greetings and stepped through the gate.

''So, what type of demon are ye Sammy?'' She asked. He jumped up joyfully and yelled. ''I'm a Time and Space demon! Isn't that cool?!'' Mar smiled half-heartedly and mumbled. ''Yes, that's great. Now why don't you run along, one of my nephews is staying over for a couple of hours and you could use a friend. He's an earth demon.'' The last bit was directed towards Satan. Samael nodded and ran up the stairs.

''I'm sorry.'' She whispered to the quiet demon king. Satan had his face hidden as they walked. He turned around sharply and grinned at her. ''He looks like her, he gets her powers, how lucky can I be?!'' He started laughing and Mar saw through the guise he put up how he really felt.

''It's not a problem though.'' His voice still wanted to laugh. ''I can use this.'' Mar looked at him, confused. ''A time demon is rare, and so is a space demon, imagine having a combo of the two?'' He walked faster. ''I'm HAPPY Mar.'' He forgot the Ms, she didn't correct him. ''HAHAHA, Oh this is a good thing. I finally have a Time AND Space demon on MY side, not neutral, not on God's side, no.'' He threw his head back and yelled maniacally. ''I'M NOT OUT OF THE GAME JUST YET!'' He held his sides as he shook, laughing, tears rolled down his eyes, tears of joy.

''I've never asked what's going on between the two of you, it's not my place but, are we on a verge of some kind of war?'' Mar worriedly asked.

Satan raised an eyebrow at the woman and started laughing. He fell backwards and kept laughing and gasping. He only stopped when Mar hit him with her spoon. ''No,'' he wiped the tears from his eyes, ''we are not. I'm just so thrilled. Finally, I'm levelling the playing field.'' He straightened himself up into a sitting position and motioned for Mar to sit down. She decided to stand.

''What about when it is levelled, what then?'' She asked and tightened the grip on her wooden utensil. His only reply was a shrug of his shoulders. He stood up and grabbed her hands. She looked at him warily. To her surprise he started spinning, spinning her along. ''Satan!'' She screeched. ''I'm overjoyed Mar!'' She wanted to ask if he was possessed but knew that wasn't it. After a few circles he stopped and grinned. His blue eyes held a certain amount of bloodlust in them that sent shivers up Ms. Mar's spine.

''If you'll excuse me Ms. Mar, I have some things to do!'' The crazy look from his eyes didn't waver as he ran up the stairs happily.

Hearing children playing and screaming she smiled at her small nephew and the prince of Gehenna. ''I just hope he doesn't drag his son into this plan of his. Samael, have better judgment and leave while ye can.'' She looked at the young purple haired child who laughed happily and talked to the red haired boy with a green streak in his hair.

''Because,'' she looked up and saw Satan through the window, engulfed in his flames, walk around the room. ''your father has a plan.'' She finally broke her Scottish accent.

''Ms. Mar!'' Satan yelled through the window, the upper half of his body outside. ''I MUST speak with you!'' The way he said it meant that he wasn't as crazy as he was moments ago. She groaned; dinner would be late.

When she arrived at the door of his study she opened it, not bothering to knock. ''Aye?'' She wouldn't dare let her Scottish accent slip up while she was talking to him. It annoyed the living daylights out of him. She walked in and found him sitting in an armchair. He beamed.

''Do you know any single ladies who want to have sex?''

Mar patted her pockets for her wooden spoon. Satan lifted up her spoon and said. ''I grabbed it while we were dancing, now answer the question.'' He added through gritted teeth, ''Please.''

''I won't.''

''It's a part of my plan you see.'' He stood up, ''I've been outnumbered, God has a lot of powerful angels...That pitiful excuse for a ruler hides behind them and let's them do the dirty work.'' He focused all of his weight in his hand and leaned on it. ''Now that's not fair.'' He grinned. ''I have a vision, Ms. Mar,'' Satan stopped leaning and walked over to her. ''and for that vision to come true, I'm going to need more heirs, more powerful heirs. I can't mate with ONE female; those would be the same combos. Easy to figure out and counter. I need various, different females.''

''Try prostitutes.'' Mar muttered.

Satan glared at her. ''I don't want to get STDs. That's why I'm asking you, a respectable demon female, if there is anyone you would suggest?''

Mar stared at Satan, and vice versa. Both tried to stare one another down. ''Well?'' Satan expectantly waited. The second she sighed Satan jumped up and yelled. ''YES!''

''There's an Air demon that wants children...and isn't picky.'' Satan looked at her and thought, what's that supposed to mean. ''She expects you to court her though.''

Satan extended his hand for Mar to shake. She did. ''Deal. Not with whom I was expecting given that you're an Earth demon but still, I appreciate it.''

Satan waltzed towards the window and laughed. ''I'm back in the dating world, baby!'' Ms. Mar coughed to get his attention and looked at the spoon he was waving around. He handed it to her and she hit his head hard. ''Ow.'' Satan rubbed it and mumbled some curses.

''I will put in a good word, but I expect you to be good to her!'' Mar shouted and raised her spoon in the air.

''Don't worry Mar, I'll be the perfect gentlemen.''

**A/N; It got a little darker here, but that's only because of a headcanon I have. I mean, c'mon the only reason why Satan has that many kids is because he wants to ensure he's got an upper hand at beating God. Or just conquering Assiah and dealing with God in a timely fashion. This is like foreshadowing; it's going to be relevant in distant chapters to come. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the next chapters are going to be lighter and filled with fluff and humour. **

**Well, Satan's dating, and still hasn't explained what sex means to poor little Sammy...I'm an awful person, you'll agree in the next chapter. **


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